| Whether or not you are a pet lover, you have | | | | acquaintance is worth putting up with their pet.As a |
| probably run across issues with dealing with other | | | | child, I was chased down by a large German shepherd |
| people's pets. Either you are getting mauled by | | | | and bitten, and I still find large dogs somewhat |
| someone's huge, slobbering dog at a backyard | | | | intimidating. If we get invited to someone's house and I |
| barbeque or they have decided that it is appropriate to | | | | know that they have big dogs, I check to see if they |
| bring Mr. Tinky Woo to your house since he's just an | | | | are willing to control them. If they are not, I decline the |
| itty-bitty thing. The question is: how do you avoid such | | | | invitation and suggest something else. If they say they |
| situations in the future? Put simply, it's a matter of | | | | will but don't actually do this when I'm there, I leave. |
| defining and enforcing your boundaries.When It's Your | | | | These are my boundaries-what are yours?What if |
| Place. The first thing you have to decide is what your | | | | Your Pet is the Problem? Having said a lot about |
| boundaries are in regards to pets in your home. Do | | | | defining your boundaries about other people's pets, it's |
| you want to forbid all pets belonging to other people | | | | probably a good idea to look at your own pets, if you |
| from your home? Do you have pets of your own to | | | | have them. Do you inadvertently subject your friends |
| consider in making this decision? Is your choice | | | | to your pets? Perhaps you recognized that the big, |
| impacted by the type, size and disposition of the pet or | | | | slobbering dog attacking your guests at the barbeque |
| by the type of event you are hosting? Clearly define | | | | was your overly friendly golden retriever. Keep in mind |
| what the rules are for your home.Next, you need to | | | | that the first rule of hosting is to ensure your guest's |
| inform other people of the house rules regarding pets. | | | | comfort. You may view your dog with a benevolent |
| You don't have to send out a press release or | | | | eye but how are your guests perceiving his attentions? |
| anything. You might choose to call a few of your | | | | To what extent are you willing to control your pet or |
| friends with pets or perhaps include the information in | | | | curtail your pet's behavior?Likewise, you might view |
| your next e-mail invitation to a party at your place. The | | | | your new pocket pet as the ideal shopping and |
| idea here is that it is difficult to enforce rules if nobody | | | | traveling companion and enjoy taking her everywhere |
| is aware of them.Finally, when somebody shows up at | | | | with you, but do you find that your friends are starting |
| your house and says something like, "I know you said | | | | to avoid you? Again, you have to define what your |
| not to bring pets, but I'm sure you didn't mean my little | | | | boundaries are here.As someone who actively |
| Mr. Tinky Woo", then you need to stand up for | | | | despised cats for many years and is now the proud |
| yourself and enforce the boundary you set. Practice | | | | co-owner of one, I can understand that not everyone |
| what you will say ahead of time. So many times, | | | | wants to pet my friendly kitty and go home covered in |
| clients will say to me, "But I was so clear! I couldn't | | | | cat hair. While some people love her, some may even |
| believe somebody would actually test my boundary | | | | be allergic to her or to my apartment because of her |
| and I didn't know what to say or do, so the situation | | | | presence. I make a point of informing potential visitors |
| just happened all over again!" Don't put yourself in this | | | | about her so they can decide for themselves. |
| situation. Ensure your confident handling of the situation | | | | Depending on my guests' tolerance level, I may offer |
| by determining what you will say and do when faced | | | | to confine her in a separate room for the time they |
| with a boundary violator. Perhaps in the situation | | | | are visiting or we might choose to meet up |
| described here you might say, "Yes, I did. Would you | | | | somewhere else. Again, these are my |
| like to run him home and come back or did you just | | | | boundaries-what are yours?Conclusion. It is completely |
| want to get together another time?"When It's Their | | | | possible to enjoy your friends, your pets and their pets, |
| Place. Of course, you say, it's easier to set these | | | | provided you are clear about what your boundaries |
| boundaries when it is your place, but how do you do | | | | are and you enforce them consistently. Ambivalence |
| this when it's not your home? If the problem is a pet at | | | | about the topic and avoidance of the issue are the |
| your friend's place, there are two steps you can take. | | | | biggest reasons people continue to suffer these |
| First, you can ask your friend to control or confine the | | | | situations. If you want to enjoy future social occasions, |
| pet in a way that doesn't overly stress the pet but will | | | | then quit tolerating this and make some |
| allow you to enjoy your visit without discomfort or | | | | changes.Copyright 2006 Vivian BantaVivian Banta |
| fear. If your friend is unwilling to do this for you or | | | | (MBA/Coach U CTP Grad) is a life and transition |
| should you feel uncomfortable asking for this | | | | coach who works with people who want to fully |
| consideration or choose not to, then your next step is | | | | engage in their lives or who are experiencing changes |
| to suggest meeting in a neutral place, like a restaurant.If | | | | such as relocation, career shifts, and personal |
| your friend is still unwilling to meet you halfway, it's time | | | | relationship changes. To find out more, visit her website |
| to consider how important this relationship is to you. | | | | at or contact her at to schedule a free, 30-minute |
| They have clearly stated what their boundaries are so | | | | personal coaching session. |
| now you have to decide if their continued | | | | |