| > | | | | Reader: Do I need to worry about my weight? |
| When it comes to diet and exercise, millions of | | | | Homer: Worrying is the worst thing you can do for |
| Americans defy true logic and make up their own | | | | your heart. Besides, you are allowed to gain 10 |
| rules, just like junk food-eating cartoon character | | | | pounds every decade you live. So if you’re |
| Homer Simpson. That’s why we wondered | | | | 50, and your weight isn’t more than 50 pounds |
| how Homer would respond to serious questions about | | | | over what your doc tells you it oughta be |
| diet and exercise. Check out Homer’s | | | | you’re good. |
| responses below, but more importantly, see what Dr. | | | | Reader: How about blood pressure? |
| O’Keefe has to say about Homer’s | | | | Homer: In this case, it’s 100 plus your age. If |
| advice. And remember, Homer is a cartoon | | | | you are 70 and your top blood pressure number is |
| character. Never, ever take his advice to heart! | | | | 170 forget about pills and just relax like I do with |
| Editor’s Note: When it comes to diet and | | | | a doughnut and a cigarette. Anyways, who wants to |
| exercise, millions of Americans defy true logic and | | | | live to be 90? I figure "live fast, die young," and avoid |
| make up their own rules, just like junk food-eating | | | | five or 10 years in a nursing home. |
| cartoon character Homer Simpson. That’s | | | | Well I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions |
| why we wondered how Homer would respond to | | | | you may have about food, exercise, diets and health. |
| serious questions about diet and exercise. Check out | | | | Now go back to watching TV and have a cookie. |
| Homer’s responses below, but more importantly, | | | | Dr. O’Keefe Responds: |
| see what Dr. O’Keefe has to say about | | | | Homer, what can I say? You are a |
| Homer’s advice. And remember, Homer is a | | | | poster boy for the 21st century American diet and |
| cartoon character. Never, ever take his advice to | | | | lifestyle. I will concede that dark chocolate and red |
| heart! | | | | wine contain more antioxidants than most |
| Reader: I’ve heard that cardiovascular | | | | vegetables. Indeed, a little alcohol is good for you, but |
| exercise can prolong life. Is this true? | | | | just because beer is sold in six-packs, doesn’t |
| Homer: You are born with a heart that has only a | | | | mean that a standard-sized serving is six cans. |
| fixed number of heartbeats. When you use them up, | | | | When you go with the flow of mainstream America |
| it’s over. So quit wasting your heartbeats on | | | | today, you will find yourself up a creek before |
| exercise. It will just wear out sooner. Speeding up | | | | long. We know how to reinvigorate your life and |
| your heart won’t make you live longer, just like | | | | rejuvenate your heart, but it does not involve taking the |
| driving your car faster won’t make it last | | | | path of least resistance. Instead, take the path less |
| longer. Want to have a longer life? Take a nap. | | | | traveled today — the one upon which you hike |
| Reader: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a | | | | or run; and thrive by eating the natural whole foods for |
| little soft around the middle? | | | | which you are genetically designed. This is the path |
| Homer: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, | | | | to a fitter, stronger, healthier, and happier you. |
| it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you | | | | And about that finite number of |
| want a bigger stomach. | | | | heartbeats theory — nonsense! If you treat |
| Reader: There must be some advantages to | | | | your ticker right, it is good for 4 billion beats or more |
| participation in a regular exercise program? | | | | (enough to get you through 10 decades of life, while |
| Homer: I can’t think of a single one, sorry. My | | | | exercising every day). Your heart, like your mind and |
| philosophy is No pain
good. | | | | the rest of your body, will rust up from not enough |
| Reader: Should I cut down on sugar and snack food | | | | exercise and too much stress, long before it will wear |
| and eat more fruits and vegetables instead? | | | | out from overuse. Homer, do you want to know |
| Homer: Eating a healthy diet won’t make you | | | | who wants to live to be 90 years old? A vigorous |
| live longer, it will just seem that way. My policy is, | | | | 89-year-old like my patient Paul who still walks daily |
| If it’s green, I don’t eat it. I do, | | | | with his dog, enjoys cheering for the Chiefs and travels |
| however, make exceptions for apple-flavored Jolly | | | | around the country with his wife visiting family and |
| Rancher candies and green M & Ms. Besides, sugar | | | | friends. He confided to me last month that his |
| is from sugar cane and sugar beets; and flour comes | | | | ambition in life is to live to be 100 and then be |
| from wheat. And everybody knows potatoes are | | | | murdered by a jealous husband. |
| healthy vegetables. So when you feel as though you | | | | As for blood pressure, the top |
| are not getting enough fruits and vegetables, have a | | | | number should be less than 130 regardless of how |
| can of Coke and a bag of potato chips. | | | | many candles are on your birthday cake. Weight? |
| Reader: Are beer and wine bad for me? | | | | You can guesstimate’ that your ideal weight |
| Homer: This gets back to my earlier point about fruits | | | | should be not more than 20 pounds over what it was |
| and vegetables. Scientists tend to divide everything | | | | when you graduated (or in your case Homer, when |
| on Earth into three basic categories: animal, vegetable, | | | | you dropped out) from high school. Your BMI |
| and mineral. Obviously, beer and wine are not animals | | | | (weight divided by height) is 31 which places you in the |
| or minerals, so they must be vegetables, right? Beef | | | | obese category, so Homer you either need to lose |
| is another good source of green, leafy vegetables. | | | | that spare tire around your waist or grow about 9 |
| After all, the cow is just an efficient mechanism for | | | | inches taller. Speaking of your waist, it should be less |
| changing field grass into real food. If you need more | | | | than 40 inches for men and less than 35 inches for |
| vegetables, my advice is to have a burger and a | | | | women. And Homer, your waist is not way down |
| beer. | | | | there below your belly where you wear your belt. |
| Reader: Aren’t fried foods bad for you? | | | | No, your waist is the part of your body that enters the |
| Homer: You’re not paying attention! Foods | | | | doorway first when you walk into a room. Yeah, up |
| these days are fried in vegetable oil. How could | | | | there closer to your belly button! |
| getting more vegetables be bad for you? | | | | So go ahead and rationalize about why |
| Reader: Is chocolate bad for me? | | | | your junk food diet is okay, and joke about the fact |
| Homer: Are you crazy? HELLO
cocoa beans | | | | that the only exercise you get is walking to the frig and |
| are just another vegetable! Chocolate is the best | | | | back during commercials. |
| feel-good food around. | | | | |